How To Eat Sunday Brunch At The Langham

No doubt about it, The Langham Hotel is classy, with fine polished floors (that I can only assume are made from the finest Italian marble) and lavishly extravagant decor.  But I warn you, do not let this fancy exterior fool you into thinking that this fine establishment puts together a brunch where you politely nibble on an arugula salad and daintily push a tomato around on gilded China plates.  In fact, I would even say that this is something that you don't just casually attend on a whim.  Oh no, no. Attending a Langham Brunch at Cafe Fleuri takes careful training and planning.  This isn't a brunch for the weak, this is the big leagues kids and I plan to devote this post to helping you come up with a step by step game plan to help you tackle a Sunday Langham brunch.

A couple weeks in advance:
1. Start saving your money.  The good stuff 'aint cheap.  The brunch will set you back $52/person so start saving!
2. Decide who you're going to go with.  Keep in mind, you want to be there with people who will share your enthusiasm for food (and not make fun of how many trips you make to the dessert bar).

Melissa, Daisy and Bridget 

One week in advance:
1. Make reservations (it's a popular brunch in the city and it'd be a shame to go through all the training just to find out they are all filled up!)
2. Start doing some light exercises, stretches and maybe sign up for a yoga class.  You'll want to be limber and agile, able to carry many plates back and forth.
3. Have a couple of larger meals this week, get that stomach prepared!

Eggs Benedict 

The day before:
1. Lay out your clothes.  Preferable something stretchy, flowy and comfortable.  You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow and you don't want tight and constricting clothes getting in the way of your fun.
2. Eat a big meal late in the afternoon and then cut yourself off and don't eat a thing until the brunch.
3.  Review the menu and develop your game plan.  What do you absolutely have to have? What are some things you can do without?
4. Get excited, it's almost game time!

Cheese Blintzes with Blueberry Sauce

The day of: 
1. Wake up and do some light stretches.  (It particularly help if you sport a sweatband at this point.)
2. Turn on some pump-up music.  Something like the theme song from Rocky (if you want to be all classic about it) or Christina Aguilera's Fighter song would be fine too.
3. Check off all things on your to-do list.  You'll want to make sure you have plenty of time to nap or simply lay on the couch watching some bad tv when you get home from brunch.
4. Get ready to go and head over to the Langham (don't forget to take off your sweatband).

Roasted Root Vegetables

While there:
1. Okay, you're starving and you might even feel a little lightheaded.  Don't worry, this is normal.  Start small and ease your way into the brunch.  Warning: The fruits/muffins/breads are going to look tasty.  As will the yogurt and granola.  Don't fall for this, it's a trap.  These are just fillers and will take up valuable stomach real estate, leaving less room for duck prosciutto.  Put the muffin down and walk away.
2. When you see a young lady in a fancy dress walking around with a basket, make sure she comes to your table.  In that basket sits warm, cinnamony beignets.  They are unreal.

The Beignet 

3. It's all a head game.  Right around plate #3, you'll start to feel a little full.  You've got to muscle through this, my friend.  You can do it! Get up there and grab yourself some of that deliciously seasoned prime rib and a scoop of buttery mashed potatoes.  This is what you trained for!

Fresh Carved Roast Beef and Mashed Potatoes

4. Just when you think you've had it, grab yourself another plate and hit up the dessert bar.  Don't miss the chocolate croissant bread pudding, served with a thick, warm caramel sauce.

Chocolate Croissant Bread Pudding, Berry Crepe and Strawberry Parfait

5. When you really can't fit in another bite, allow some time to sit and reflect on all that you achieved.  Politely pay the bill and then take a nice little walk before you plant yourself on the couch for the rest of the afternoon.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how it's done.